Wednesday 19 December 2012

Parodies and candles...in order


From: g87
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2012 12:00 PM
Subject: Candles lasting longer

Shalom Yirmy and Mark.
I hear you advise people to freeze candles for same to last longer.
May I suggest this is in error?
Indeed – even if it has not even made it into Snopes Urban Myths list – it is a falacious idea. Jews and their use of candles do not rate, sadly!
It is a minor blog of mine.
The FIRST blog / link at top is far more interesting!
It really stands to reason.
Take the candle – say the top few millimetres.
It takes a mere second to melt the wax.
And the ‘engine’ near the top is a continuum – requiring / eliciting no inefficiencies which even remotely encourages longevity.
I do not want to go into a prolix scientific discussion – I am not qualified – having merely a semblance of grey matter.
I write you offering the following great business proposition!
  1. I will sell you a simple drinking glass.
  2. Use it to cover the candle.\
  3. Periodically lift it to allow a bit more air / oxygen.
LO! RETAIL VALUE $100 .... you can order in multiples of a hundred @ $50 each – your profit is 100%
Granted – you have to give customers a bit more value with a Shalom Aleichem book of Chelm – but what the heck – it will be Chanukah / silly season time when our multiple Nobel – Prize - winning people use it – they will have fun and wjll gladly allow you a huge profit!
PS
I have a deluxe version with a .0000000001 mm hole in the glass which has been tested for the steady – state of allowing just enough air in and to still elhance candle longevity.
$999 to you.
Please do not tell me that I have too much time on my hands: there are FAR , FAR greater issues here.
Regards
Geoff Seidner
13 Alston Grove
East St Kilda 3183
03 9 525 9299

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From: g87
Sent: Tuesday, December 18, 2012 12:47 PM
Subject: Have I got a deal for YOU!!
Shalom Yirmy and Mark,
You do know you will have to sell more expensive candles to justify the below stuss, don’t you?
I mean if anyone is silly enough to buy our cup – based candles [notwithstanding the Nobel – Prize winners] to not simply add one candle piggy – back on top of the other – will appreciate HANEROT HALALU singing candles.
I got the idea from a childrens’ bithday party!
At any rate VALUE ADDING to the product is the way to go!
Each candle will sell for $18; elegant, non?
Eventually we propose Shabbat – Bracot singing candles – saving the ladies a lot of trouble.
In the interim warehouse for production of ‘THE STUSS’ glass – and candle. Manufacturing of candles simpler than casting of Jewellery using the lost – wax process.
I AM A JEWELLER BY TRADE – I HAVE EXPERTISE WITH WAX MODELS.
AREN’T WE LUCKY!!!!
Why have you not responded yet to my proposal? Kindly do so within 24 hours because I will float the idea publically on my blog Generally Jewish.
Here is a link to it: I have not used it in this way before.
Regards
Geoff Seidner
From: g87
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2012 12:00 PM
Subject: Candles lasating longer
This blog may be interesting
Shalom Yirmy and Mark.
I hear you advise people to freeze candles for same to last longer.
May I suggest this is in error?
Indeed – even if it has not even made it into Snopes Urban Myths list – it is a falacious idea. Jews and their use of candles do not rate, sadly!
It is a minor blog of mine.
If you read the contents of above link, really stands to reason.
Take the candle – say the top few millimetres.
It takes a mere second to melt the wax.
And the ‘engine’ near the top is a continuum – requiring / eliciting none of the needed inefficiencies which even remotely encourages longevity.
I do not want to go into a prolix scientific discussion – I am not qualified – having merely a semblance of grey matter.
I write you offering the following great business proposition!
  1. I will sell you a simple drinking glass.
  2. Use it to cover the candle.
  3. Periodically lift it to allow a bit more air / oxygen.
LO! RETAIL VALUE $100 .... you can order in multiples of a hundred @ $50 each – your profit is 100%
Granted – you have to give customers a bit more value with a Shalom Aleichem book of Chelm – but what the heck – it will be Chanukah / silly season time when our multiple Nobel – Prize - winning people use it – they will have fun and will gladly allow you a huge profit!
PS
I have a deluxe version with a .0000000001 mm hole in the glass which has been tested for the steady – state of allowing just enough air to allow combustion and to still elhance candle longevity.
$999 to you.
Please do not tell me that I have too much time on my hands: there are FAR , FAR greater issues here.
Regards
Geoff Seidner
13 Alston Grove
East St Kilda 3183
03 9 525 9299
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From: g87
Sent: Wednesday, December 19, 2012 11:59 AM
Subject: FINALE.. OF PARODY
Dear Yirmy and Mark,
I want you to know that this parody worked – very few do.
Perhaps one day you may tell me why you did not respond.
My reason for writing this is far too abstruce.
Regards
Geoff

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